When I'm tired, I ramble
I'm sitting here on Thursday, working on this because I have a few things to do tomorrow. I've got a decent streak going, and I don't know what it is about streaks... they make me want to keep going.
So, I'm sitting here, thinking, "What do I write about today?"
Have I mentioned I'm boring? A downright snooze-fest. Typically, the most exciting thing that happens to me is a cat hacking up a hairball in the middle of the night. (Also, why do they have to do that in the middle of the night?)
It's been a long week of getting little sleep. I mentioned before that I stopped taking sleep aids, but it's not that I'm not tired. I have had a lot on my mind. That's what's keeping me up.
I think I've also mentioned that worrying is my superpower.
So, that's what I've been doing. Why couldn't I do that during the day? I'm no respecter of time. I worry during the day too.
Now, you might be asking yourself, "What could she be worrying about?"
Relationships, here on Earth and Above. Money. Our country. The housing market. My friends having troubles. The list goes on.
Last night, I'm laying in bed at 2 am. Of course, I'm on my phone. Then 3 am rolls around, still awake. I finally put my phone down, and the verse Psalms 118:5 comes to mind.
"From my distress I called upon the Lord; The Lord answered me and put me in an open space." (NASB)
Distressed: suffering from anxiety, sorrow, or pain."
So, I'm laying in bed, frustrated about all the things going on in my mind. I'm thinking/screaming, "God, I'm in distress. Where are you?"
I wonder at times, what if setting me free means leaving me where I am?
How can I ever grow or move beyond where I am to where I want to be? How do I get to the point of "walking through the valley of the shadow of death" (Psalm 23:4) without fear; understanding that even when I'm surrounded by all the worry, there is comfort in Christ?
At what point do I move from the sinking sands of this earth to the Solid Rock when everything is always easy?
I want comfort, but maybe the lesson is that comfort means more than a happy place. Perhaps comfort is less about what is going on and more about Who is with me during the times when comfort is nowhere to be seen and there is no light at the end of the tunnel (that I can see).
Hard lessons tend to be the ones I don't forget. Maybe the right frame of mind is, to give me a head and heart that can be shaped by the Potter so that the hard lessons don't take as long to learn.
I don't have the answers. My garden is full of weeds. Maybe I shouldn't be begging for weed killer when the Gardener is the only one who can remove the roots so the weeds don't come back.
Again, I don't have answers. I'm mostly pondering in a ramble-like manner.
Sorry about the length. I hope you guys have a great weekend and I'll see you next week.
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